A defence mechanism....

I am tired and that has alot to do with the fact that i was overly hyper last night and couldn't sleep even after i hung up the phone with her. She was probably serious, in a way, that i worried her at a different level when i was so hyper at the closure of that short little chapter. I was surprised at it too....and i thought maybe the news haven't really sink in....i didn't have much difficulty sleeping other than the fact that i was hyper...did not feel a slightest tinge of sadness...

woke up this morning and still, i feel nothing. No feeling at all and it feels like just any other day. I felt empty..and i guess that's the only feeling i have till now. I feel it every now and then through out the day. Just a moment here and there. Nothing major. Guessed maybe i suddenly lost that particular topic/object or whatever u called that kept my attention for the last few months. it feels strange that our role has swapped. Nope..she definitely don't behave like i did when i was in the picture but i sense that she is looking forward to see what is going to happen to them...is not that i am not happy for her..just feels weird..guess i need some time to adjust to it..

i think my brain has reacted to the whole situation by blocking off all possible feelings about him and the speed that my brain used to do that amazes me. It's similar to what happened when i went through the breakup yet at the same time, different. I feel tired and every so ready to just sleep it off..why? that's the easiest way to stop any thoughts that can come through..at the same time..i feel hyper..yes..i still feel hyper after a whole day at work..or maybe i just feel restless..trying to keep my energy high, with lotsa activties physcially or mentally..to keep thoughts out...it's good. I don't want to think about it anymore. I am tired. But, i am tired at the way my brain is reacting to the whole situation..oh well...defence mechasim reacted too strongly..

bottomline..i am happy that we are all still friends..that's what matters..

My mind is still nt quite back to normal yet..still very messy if u ask me..thoughts are jumboed up still bt i think i am getting there.....till then....

"Can you not have her as a friend?"

Nope! that's the answer that i have for that question and that sealed the deal. Was in shock when i realised that what i was so confident would not happen between us had happened. Mind was blank from that moment and i was asked to choose a option out of two. It was a struggle between me as a friend and me as a selfish individual. It's not like choosing the latter will prevent anything from happening if it's meant to happen..maybe delay it, maybe not. No one knows exactly what is going to be happen. But still, i was threw with 2 options.

Tempted to choose option 2 if u ask me. BUT, i know that's not the way to go. No one can ask anyone to do that, especially when it's someone like her. But i know option 1 means i will have to make sure i control myself very well and gear myself for what might happen. Something that part of me really do not wan to see happening. Can i do it? I don't know but like that question that i was asked, there is no other options unless i can do without her as my friend. Everyone who knows me know that it's impossible to not have her as my friend. So, one way road it is.

Pondered over if i should run away instead. An escape from all these. But i realised, what came across my mind was exactly what went through it when i struggled 2 years ago. What if i actually have a chance? What if things would have been different if i stay on? By running away, am i throwing it all away? I am just not ready to accept that this is going to end even though a large part of me is telling me that it is.

I still don't know what to do. Can i not tell her about my choice? Just pretend that conversation never happened and i don't owe her any decision? Should i try to find out the answer?

There is a lot of emotions that went through me in the short time span of a day..shocked, lost, frustration, you named it and i probably went through it. Mind is still in a mess...if u not already noticed that by the way this post is written...

Till I find a way............

Life is so unpredictable.......proven yet again!

September is coming to an end...it went past in a manner that i least expected...it's been a extremely busy month...and to top it off..been down with flu for one full week now, and..sadly..still counting...blame it on insufficient rest!!

September has been a very busy month for me..it was kind of expected for the first half of the month since i knew i had to finish up all the wedding stuff for Joyce, by hook or by crook, while working...hee..blame it on my inspiration which refused to come back to me during August..haha..Joyce said that i have the "艺术家脾气"..haha...no doubt..i can't and i don't like to force myself to come up with any of my "creations" when i don't have the mojo..even if i am running out of time..hahaha..evident from the wedding stuff for Joyce..i took about 2 mths to finish up her ang bao box..and to be exact...only to finish it on the eve of her wedding!haha..

BUT..September turned out to way busier than i have expected! haha..and seriously...the statement "Life is unpredictable" is so true! haha..we left for the weekend thinking that all will be fine for the Co and i was still joking away with my friends during Joyce's wedding over that weekend about it..and when we all got back to work on Monday..things fell apart!

To date, we are all still amazed by how quickly things have took a turn and ended! The weeks that followed ( 2 weeks to be exact and still counting), it's a mad rush for us at work everyday..yup..a lot of people around thought that we would have nothing to do at work..haha..that's true for most of the department in the co..but not for me and my team-mates! haha..we had have our busy times during month-end closing but it's different from what we have these 2 weeks..it is physically and mentally draining since the turnaround time given is often unreasonably short and to top it off, the people that requested for the informations were often not the usual group..the impact of a mistake was much greater..I was really going nutz! but i must say..i count my blessing to have my fave girlie emails to keep mi sane..and yesh..i know there will be 2 who would be shouting that 2 FAMOUS ALPHABET when reading this..ahahha..yaya..no denial about that-that helps alot too!haha

As much as I whined about the stress level, it is indeed an "eye-opener" for me to be in the whole "drama" and experience what everyone would say it's a once in a lifetime experience..there is a lot to learn from it and the bonding that it creates within the team is probably something that won't come by so easily if this didn't happen..haha..but well..i seriously think that no one would want to experience it more than once..ahahaa..the kind of uncertainty that u face everyday at work, the kind of things that happen every other day just drain u off..haha...

As October draws near..hope things will be clearer and everyone involves in this will be able to plan for their next step with some level of certainty!

3 months old.....

(This was a post that i have written a few days before my 3rd month anniversary in my new co...and sad to say..it has now become as "a few days before my co came tumbling down.." Life's really unpredictable!)

13th September will mark the 3rd month in my new job..there is still a lot to learn..work is keeping me occupied and busy most of the time in the day, and week ( especially the week before and after month-end..haha..ya...that leaves me with not much "Good" weeks in between)..less time to keep in touch with my dear friends..which i really don't like..was just telling one of my friends that it's sad that sometimes i get so busy in the day..i don't even realize that he has been "missing" too...bad...and it also means..less time to do things that i enjoy..like my scrapbook..my knitting and all...BUT...i must say...being busy at work beats having nothing to do at work,anytime!!haha..to sum up my current feeling of work -- "Happily Busy"..and no Monday Blues so far!

Bunny love...

(This is a "spin-off" from the previous post on the yummy feast! haha..why? coz it think "Bunny Love" deserves a post of her own?haha)

So..what did we get for Destinee? haha..a pretty little pink polka dot dress from Gap ( okay..come to think of it..we didn't take a picture of it!!!) and a teeny weeny rabbit that i knitted for her ( made possible by the courtesy of Julie from Little Cotton Rabbits !) She is my latest knit! hee..took some pictures of her at the party before she head home with Destinee! hee..Really love this rabbit..it's a super fast knit..it prob only took me about 30 min to 45 min? hee..and it's so adorable! Should really check out Julie's blog! she is amazing! her knitted toys and cupcakes are so so so nice! i really feel like i am in some kind of fairy-land with her knitted toys and cupcakes! inspired!! i hope soon i will be able to do up some good cupcakes to blog about ( haha..truth is..i did one and it's totally NOT A CUPCAKE..to be improved on!)

Some pictures of Ms Bunny Love! From left, Checking out for Carrots; Looking at the yummy eel ( okay..guess rabbits don't eat eel..she was ctually more about checking the Veg Maki at the back); Ms Love's greeting!; Watching some TV at a corner!

Hope you like Ms Bunny Love! We have her other half coming soon! stay tuned!

Happy Birthday to Destinee!

We are, strictly speaking, into the 9th days of September! wow, wow, wow! and what's been the highlight for Sept at the moment?haha..no..wrong..not Joyce's wedding ( a close fren of mine from my Deloitte days who is into her final one-week count down of her wedding..)...It's the BIRTHDAY PATY FOR DESTINEE...who is Destinee? ( nope..wrong again..not the diamond..or well..maybe she is the "diamond" of her parents and maybe one day, of her other half...) She is actually my niece ( cuzzie's daughter)...She turned 1!! This is truly amazing..it seemed like a little while ago that we was making comments like "Oh! SOOOOOO SMALL!!!!!" at the hospital a year ago, and there she is now..stumbling around( i really don't think that's walking much ya..she falls like every 10 steps?hee..still not steady yet!) the house with her "softball" or her bolster ( these are pretty useful..everytime she "fall flat" on her face...all of us will be like "Phew! Lucky! ( haha..bad parents and aunties and uncles?! haha..the lucky refers to the "softball" and bolster that cushioned her head when she falls!but yup..you got why they were useful?haha)

Anyway..the point is...we had a party..IN HER NAME..haha..it was more like an "reason" for us to whip up a feast for ourselves..i mean..after all...lil' Destinee wouldn't remember much of this ( kids don't have memory of what happen before 2 or something like that right, or so i rem...haha)

Well..Aunt is a good cook! but ever since she injured her hand, we try not to let her cook much..so what now? hee...my cuzzie told my aunt.." you talk, i cook"..so that was the arrangement...it was a hilarious sight in the kitchen when my cuzzies were working at the command of my aunt..for one..my aunt was not used to standing there doing nothing..so alot of times, you would see her trying to snatch the chopper!..and to add to that, cuzzies aren't that good with the chopper and all..so it's really "鸡手鸭脚"( chicken hand, duck feet..direct translation for those who can't read Chinese..but you get the picture i guess?)=P

After all the hard work by aunt and cuzzies..we had a great feast..what's on the menu...Lobster in Cheese sauce ( the highlight of the day..that's by far the most popular dish from aunt..all my cuzzies-in-law salivate over it everytime she make it! okay..me too actually..it's really yummy! i swear!)...Chicken skin with sotong(Squid) paste ( a restaurant that we used to go served this dish the best so far, but the restaurant had DISAPPEARED! but no worries..we found ourselves a good replacement during the party!haha)..Mum's grilled chicken ( i swear that it's better that Kenny Rogers! not oily..and tender meat!)..sushi and sashimi ( courtesy of cuzzie from ichiban boshi!)..ribs from BBQ Express Shop ( much better than the one from the caterer the last round)..fruit salad and Salad Green( courtesy of another cuzzie..yes..2 salads! veg and fruits are good for health!)..and the "Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside" buns from Chong Pang for the Cheese Sauce! haha..well..what a spread huh?whahahaha..we all had a good time feasting and watching Destinee staring at her dad putting in all the yummilicious food without sharing!hahaa...and of gossiping about Destinee's lil' boyfriends at childcare center...(oh boy...kids start young nowadays huh?haha..)

Finale comes with the BIRTHDAY CAKE! is actually my fave Strawberry cake from Four Leaves! hahaa..yum yum! Destinee was so cute..she just stared at the cake..an out in the space look! haha..her first BIRTHDAY! we took so many pictures of her looking at her cake, blowing the candle and cutting cake! I am sure we have captured enough memory for her when she grow a little older!

Hope u "enjoyed" the feast like we did!=P

Welcome, Stacky!

It's been a long time since my last knitted toy! hahaha..Greeny M&M if you remember! haha..well..that was in Feb! after 6 long months, i believe he needs a friend that comes from the same planet as him!!! okay..yesh..i know he has Fumu and friends around but nothing beats somebody from the same planet isn't it?haha...

So..who is it that joined Greeny?whahahaha..is Ye-row, the STACKY!! I have actually gotten this pattern from Mochimochi land long ago when it first came out! haha..been wanting to knit it but the fact that it takes 5 needle kinda freaks me a little..so have been putting off knitting stacky...But the time has come for Stacky to make his grand appearance to be the best companion for Greeny and Yuyu...Stacky is a cutesy meowmeow minus the non-stop noise making function that the life-sized MeowMeow has..it's the best you can get when you want to have a quiet pet around! haha..

He was actually a much easier knit than i have expected! he came to this planet within half a day..from the time i decided to call for him to shift to this planet till he arrived!haha..each Stacky has his own unique features and mission! Ye-row's mission is to be a HAPPY cat that brings joy to all around him! Just check out his ever cheery color!haha...

Anyway..took some picture for Stacky when he made his debut trip in the car! haha..he is such a handsome Cat! ahahaha..

More of Stacky's family is coming along...afterall, Stacky find this small little planet a nice place to live..with all the friendly people around..on the schedule..we have Pirato Stacky, Stac Stac ( can you link it with one of my good girly frAn?=)...and many more..

oh ya! we have yuki-tofu too! bt yuki is too shy to be seen at the moment..maybe next time....=P